Holly

 This is my beautiful daughter Holly.

Holly was diagnosed with Rhabdomyosarcoma in 2009.









The cancer was in her eye muscle.



The road to recovery wasn't easy...





But it was worth it!





































This is our Lenten candle.

We used four different clors and textures of sand.

Mike, Holly, Mimi and I poured our sand into the vase.

Once our sands mixed it became impossible to sepeerate them.

The sand also symbolizes Jesus' 40 days in the desert,

as a reminder of our Lenten journey.

I learned from flylady, http://www.flylady.com/ that it takes 30 days for a new habit to form. I have also learned this lesson from Lent. After giving up sugar in my coffee a few years ago I never went back to using it. I encourage my family to give something up but also add something in to their daily lives. This year I will be working on adding more prayer time into my life and hopefully my family‘s as well. I hope after 40 days it will be an automatic habit for us.

"Start your day right. Before you do anything else,

get up early and spend time with God."  

I've heard it since I was a young girl in Catholic school taught by sisters, and as a teenager in CYO, and I'm still hearing it as an adult at my church. Most likely you have heard it too.

Generally, I would let these comments go in one ear and out the other, (another bad habit of mine). I get up super early as it is, or at least it feels that way, to take care of my family, and surely no one expects me to get up even earlier to read my Bible and pray. I wouldn't be able to focus anyhow (after all I‘ve given up coffee). I can handle getting up early to get the kids ready for school, because they immediately throw me into movement, and that wakes me up. But sitting down and reading the Bible and praying BEFORE anyone gets up? It happens occasionally but not often and mostly on weekends.

My time with God has generally shifted with whatever stage of life I am currently living. When my children were little, I would spend time with God while holding them, or pray at night after putting them to sleep. As preschoolers we prayed in the car on our way to school. When Holly was fighting cancer I remained in constant prayer or at least it felt that way. I know I could not have walked a single step without God by my side. Now, I generally pray after the kids have gone to the bed. Most days it is a few minutes here and there. Usually, it's a good system. Except on the days that we are up late doing homework. Or Holly is having a panic attack at bedtime. Or, I’m busy with PTO, chickens, family, housework…Or *insert another million possibilities here*.

To be honest, this habit of taking time with God at night isn‘t working for me, because most nights I am too tired and distracted to fully engage in meaningful prayer. We made major lifestyle changes when Holly was sick. Not one other thing was more important to me then caring for Holly’s needs, no matter what they were. I cleaned, I comforted, I advocated, I researched, I disciplined, I taught, I comforted, I gave everything I had to my daughter, I gave up everything that I thought was important to care for my child that had cancer. If I could make a massive lifestyle change to care for her, shouldn't I also be able (and willing) to do it for God?

I have a friend that gets up early every single day to say the rosary. No matter what else is going on in this person’s life, time is made for that. So I know it is possible.

I have decided that this is something I want to implement into my life. Even though it's really hard to get up so early to do it, I know I won't regret it. My day will be better because of it. My perspective becomes more aligned what it should be when I spend intimate time with God. I want to have that properly aligned perspective from the moment I wake up.

I am adding morning prayer time in to my Lenten journey. This means I will have to set my alarm to wake up earlier than the children. This also means I will have to go to bed at a reasonable hour. I hope that by the time Easter comes I have prepared the way of the Lord in my life. I hope that this morning prayer time had become a habit that I love so I can continue through out the year.

Lent 2012

Lent is off to a good start.  I barely miss my morning cup of coffee or my glass of wine (hee hee).  Mimi, my 8 year old daughter is resisting Lent.  I think she just doesn't grasp the big picture and what this time really means.  Mimi's idea of giving something up for Lent is "I won't ride my bike", her arm is broken and she can't ride her bike anyway!  Last year she told me she was giving up vegetables.  I am not going to make an issue out of it, instead I am going to focus on spirituality.  I am going to gather symbols of the season like I do at Advent and make them visible in our home. 

Sand:   God led his people on a  journey into the desert.  Jesus himself reenacted that journey to face his own temptations.  The desert can be a place of retreat, where there is a freedom from distractions. 

Almsgiving:  We will have a place to put change that we would spend on things like coffee and wine (that I barely miss) and maybe the kids will decide to offer their ice cream money and then we can decide to whom we would like to donate our collection.

Bible:  The Word is so important for us during Lent.  Perhaps the prominent presence of a Bible in our home can represent for us our desire for God’s Word in our lives.  Imagine the experience that could be ours if - when we feel a new inspiration or a softening of our heart, or just a sense of God’s love – we pick up that Bible and simply, reverently kiss it.

I am going to show my children that the most important part of Lent is how we should all  practice being more loving and through that loving Jesus more deeply. My girls are Sweet and very loving, but they have some really bad habits like fighting with one another and being disobedient. I want my children to notice, that part of our  Lenten journey is to choose to fast from our crabby-ness (lack of my coffee) or busy-ness and to spend more time as a family. I hope I can set the example of choosing to compliment others in the family more, highlighting the good things I notice in them. If our family Lenten practice is to focus on being nicer, kinder and more generous in helping each other, the children will take part in it. And, if we fail on a given day, we can quickly apologize and ask forgiveness and model penitential and reconciling behavior that is central to Lent.

I hope these things will bring my family on board with my idea of  "embracing" Lent without pressuring them too much.

Lent 2012

We are throwing ourselves wholeheartedly into Lent this year, even though Mike, Holly, and Mimi don't know it yet!  I have been praying for weeks about the right thing to give up for Lent.  Nothing has moved me.  I want something that is a true sacrifice, is meaningful, and is doable.  I had the radio station, Klove, on this morning.  They suggested giving up all beverages except water.  I knew right away that I should do it.  So, yes I am giving up my morning cup of coffee, my afternoon diet soda, my evening cup of hot tea and yes my friends, that wonderful and relaxing glass of wine at the end of the day!  I will drink only self-sustaining, refreshing, plain water for Lent.  And I will do my very best not to be cranky!  My Lenten devotion is Rediscover Lent by Matthew Kelly.  I pray that each of you will have a Life-changing Lent as well.

The Mighty Sparrow

I have enjoyed writing  Holly's CaringBridge site and will continue to do so around scan times but I also feel the need to move on to other adventures.

Some of my favorite Bible passages talk about sparrows.  Matthew 10: 29-31 ²⁹Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.³⁰ And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. ³¹ So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Quite often  the sparrow is taken for granted – small though she may be, she is certainly powerful.  It is her slightness in size that gives her advantages.  She reminds us we do not need to have the big stuff (cars, house, etc.) to be important, and we do not have to have the loudest voice in order be heard.

Sparrows derive power from their numbers.  Always in a clan, they move in clusters, eat in clusters, and are always content as such.  This can be quite intimidating to some would-be predators.  Safety in numbers is a lesson the sparrow has to share with us.

The sparrow is vigilant in her goals.  She is always bustling for her food, foraging for her nests, and gathering for her young.  Fastidious and productive, the sparrow is a reminder that idle hands (and idle minds) should be avoided in order to live a full, healthy life.

She is a master of flight, and camouflage, and as such the sparrow teaches us to use our creativity to get around in life – think outside the nest, and be creative in solving our problems.

When I think about the sparrow these words come to mind:

creativity
simplicity
joy
protection
friendliness
community
productivity
chosen by God

These are characteristics I value and will focus my writings around them.  I hope my faithful CaringBridge readers will stick with me as I move on to a new chapter in my life.