Can we ever do enough to earn Easter?

Every year I begin Lent with this idea that I can do everything just right.  I can pray enough, sacrifice enough, I can repent enough to earn Easter.  And every year at some point I feel as though I have failed.  It shouldn't surprise me that this Lent hasn't been any different.  .But once again I am surprised.

I know Lent is not supposed to be easy.  I am focusing this year on the desert.  I think I remind my family at least once a day about Jesus' 40 days.  Jesus fasted and resisted temptation in the desert.  The very least we can do children is sacrifice meat one day a week.  The very least you can do for 40 days, kids, is to stop fighting.  Offer up all of those little annoyances and then let them go! 

I went on a trip to Sams last week to get supplies for a PTO spaghetti dinner.  Imagine my surprise when I got to the grocery section and smelled freshly brewed coffee (I have given up all beverages except water).  I considered putting my Keurig away for Lent but opted to leave it out on the counter as a daily reminder of my sacrifice.  I am not the type of coffee drinker that has to have a cup or two every morning but I do enjoy my Jamaica Me Crazy coffee most mornings.  Now that I can't have it, I crave it... big time.  The closer I got to the sample table that had the coffee the more I wanted just a sip.  And then when I saw the table and the Keurig brewing hot coffee I really felt the temptation.  I had to remind myself of my simple sacrifice that means so much to my relationship with Jesus.  I said a little prayer and chuckled a little at the irony before I continued my shopping trip.

I received a letter from Atlanta about Holly's scans in June.  They scheduled them for a Wednesday and the echo was missing from the itinerary completely.  We always scan on Tuesdays.    Outpatient chemo was always on Tuesdays.  Clinic appointments are always on Tuesdays.  All of the medical staff and Holly's team works on Tuesdays.  I was annoyed at the error.  I called the radiology department which told me the appointment was linked to her clinic visit so they couldn't change it.  I called the clinic which told me it is difficult to get time on the table and they could not change the clinic appointment unless I could change the scans.  And I still had the echo to schedule.  I was frustrated and mad, hard to believe I know.  I reminded myself of this season of Lent and I needed to stop being annoyed and let it go.  Luckily Sarah, Holly's oncology nurse, was able to switch everything to Tuesday and get the echo scheduled as well.

I falter, grow discouraged, and struggle, sometimes resentfully, with the weight of the cross God sends me.  The desert, though, is a difficult place—dry, uncomfortable, and very lonely. Some days I want to turn back, I am tempted to give in and it is on those days that I need to turn back to God and ask for his help.